In the late 19th century, some states in the western United States began to experiment with giving women limited voting rights. In the first year of the 1920s, the U.S. Congress passed the 19th Amendment, and American women officially obtained the right to vote. In the more than a hundred years after women obtained the right to vote, the world has undergone earth-shaking changes. Many women have begun to step out of their homes and work in society. The ripple effects of this change are complex, but that's not our focus today. Being able to earn money and support a family has gradually led many women to feel that they are completely equal to men. To the point where today we often hear many women say, "I can live completely independently of men." We won't discuss how far this statement is from reality for now. Personally, I would very much like to believe this is true, but so far, I haven't found a woman on this planet who can truly live completely independently of men, from psychologically to physically to economically.
Cersei Lannister of the Lannister family and Daenerys Targaryen of the Targaryen family are two queens in "Game of Thrones." As queens, they rule vast kingdoms and soldiers, especially Daenerys, who also has three huge dragons. But they still need to rely on marriage alliances to consolidate their power. Sometimes they even have to sleep with people to gain their support. I believe that there are not many women in the world who can surpass their achievements. If even such people still need to depend on others, then I don't believe others can do better. Of course, you can choose to turn a blind eye.
In the perception of modern people, it seems that everyone regards depending on others as a disgrace, and everyone hopes to sever ties with others. But, whether we admit it or not, we all depend on many people to live. The main reason we can still live healthily today is because the highways have not been blown up and are still in operation. The fried eggs we can eat for breakfast rely on chicken farmers, truck drivers on highways, express delivery, takeout, and garbage collectors. You can read my article on your phone now, which relies on people ensuring sufficient power supply and network smoothness. You are not raising chickens yourself, you did not lay a submarine cable by yourself, and the cow in your burger is not fed by you. So, you better give up your absurd idea of not depending on others. Every day we eat vegetables grown by others, eggs laid by others, and enjoy the fruits of others' labor, but we deny that our lives depend on many people, which makes us seem heartless. If any link among these millions of factors that support our lives goes wrong, we might not have water to flush the toilet, and there may be no fried eggs to eat.
Translation: In today's era of prevailing individualism, everyone wants to prove that they are independent entities with independent thinking, as if only in this way can they demonstrate their value. Modern people possess a peculiar form of self-esteem. Under the influence of this self-esteem, people feel that if they need the help or assistance of others, they seem to be unintelligent and incompetent. Only by appearing so strong that they don't need the help of others can they satisfy this peculiar self-esteem. Women who insist that they have been oppressed by a male society for thousands of years seem to need this kind of self-esteem in particular.
This form of individualism, when taken to the extreme, leads you to believe that you can live without needing anyone else. You feel ashamed to admit that you depend on others and believe that you can live completely on your own. This will not make you better, but only make you more selfish and closed-off, more foolish, and more distant and indifferent. It will undermine the moral system of humanity. Another consequence of this belief that you can live completely independently is that you will feel the lives and wellbeing of others have nothing to do with you, and you will not care about their happiness or well-being. However, their wellbeing certainly does concern you, as your life depends on a large number of people working normally to maintain. And they can only work normally if they are not emotionally collapsing, so their mood and you are closely related. Imagine a chef at Paris Baguette, who is making the sandwich that you're about to stuff into your mouth, receives a call that his house is being foreclosed. Or consider a jobless person sleeping in the park who is starving, and happens to encounter you jogging in the morning looking not very strong. Can you still feel that these things have nothing to do with you?
Because of a lack of wisdom, most people feel that the lives of others have nothing to do with them. Because of a lack of wisdom, many women feel that they can do just fine without men. But the world doesn't care about your beliefs, it goes on as it always has. The things that are supposed to impact you will impact you, what is supposed to happen will happen. We live in an overlapping world, your life and the lives of others are intricately connected. If they are not well, you will not be well either. Acknowledging that your life relies on many people is not shameful, on the contrary, facing the truth makes you noble. In this world, women cannot live without men, men cannot live without women, we cannot live without others, and others cannot live without us. We are interdependent and feed each other. Understanding that your life is related to everyone will make you pay more attention to the fate of others, to their joys and sorrows. This will bring you closer to each other, which is the basis of Bodhichitta. As practitioners, we need to be honest, so we have to admit that our lives actually depend on many people - this is the fact. The fact is, whether you admit it or not, it is so.
Written by Ling Shan Hermit on April 26, 2023, first published on May 6, 2023.
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